Who is your best friend for life? and why is it your wife?

A lot on friendships and a bit on relationships.

In the recent blog of mine, I wrote on relationships and family life that follows. At a certain point I mentioned that the only best friend you have for your life is your wife. Here is exactly what I wrote for reference:

“You gotta be sensible in the selection of your future. Your spouse is your best friend. And best friend is only 1.”

(To read the full blog, click here )

A friend of mine asked me, “How can this be? Can't my school or college friends be friends forever? Should it only be the wife that holds the position of best friend for entire life long enough?”

Answer 

Well, it can be and cannot be. But more often than not, it cannot. It can happen but rarely.

The reason is that you will accumulate a lot of friends from beginning to end of your life. You will make your friends at school, at your town, at your college, at your workplace, at your business etc.

A scenario for you.

Imagine yourself with your buddy. You have been friends since school, through college, at your workplace. Now, suddenly you or he gets a job opportunity or a transfer or any scenario with some good reason, either of you have to move out of the town. Will you or he consider taking a friend along? Of Course not. 

Now, come to reality. Let's talk about friendships.

"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."

John. D. Rockefeller 

Let me dissect it. Brother, you have to stick to something, some goal, some business, some area of your work. You cannot carry your friend along with you. You have to make friends on your way. No friend of yours can walk on your path all along. He has to find his life's piece too.

That's why John D Rockefeller says, that "A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."

You have to walk your path, the like minded people will join you for the time being. And then, they have to choose their way and you choose yours. 

Do your work honestly, the people who are meant to be along with you will come to you. 

You can be a friend for a while, but not all the time. Tell me, where are your schoolmates, your college mates, your office buddies? All of us move along.

Yeah, they will be there for you with a phone call or a snap or a message away. But that's not what I meant. 

All friendships are as fragile as it can be. Very few of it can be strong but not for all the time. I am not demeaning any of the bonding or friendship here.. But as I always say, it is how it is. 

Now, let's talk a little bit about relationships.

The couples will always be and have to be along with each other. You don't live in your school, in college, in office, in your chamber all through your life. You live in your home. And who will be there in your home till your end?

That's why I said, 

Your best friend for life is your wife. 

                                  Or

At least she has to be there for long enough.

Once you are married, you are set for life with that person. Don't talk about divorces and all. To avoid all the noise on divorces, I wrote that blog before. Your companion will be and have to be with you for long.

For FAR TOO LONG.

Note

Don't think of this as a comparison between friendships and relationships. Your friendship is not necessarily a relationship. But your relationship is necessarily a friendship.

Hare Krishna

To Raise Kids, of relationships and ofcourse of marriages.

I expect people who read this to bear with me. Because I am a bit old fashioned and when I say a relationship it means a marriage relationship. Not a date, hook up, situationship or whatever bullshit the gen z adds to the dictionary every afternoon. Fine?

Perhaps, in older days marriage was not just a physical intimacy thing. Thanks to the desperate generation of us that we made most of it as just a physical thing. Sorry but not sorry. In older days marriage did not just happen with the bride and groom. It happened between two families of the same class. It was a mixture of not just genes but of ideas, of lifestyle, of business, of the next generation and all. 

Earlier marriage was a very responsible and respected process. From start to end people would leave no loopholes behind just to make it a grand success. Heck! There were people who poured all their savings just to make a successful marriage. Currently the spending is nothing, it's a status showing game most of the time if not all. Sure, I will get back to the topic quickly.

Raising kids is a great pleasure for any family. You know the grand old generation would teach the basics of raising the kid with their experience to the ones who freshly beared kids. They would be wise when they are old and their wisdom will be slowly moving to the tender baby before he turns 8-10. The grandma and grandpa's wisdom child becomes the best in terms of friendship, humanity and sensibility, not just study. Ofcourse with few exceptions.

 

The parents in the meanwhile just feel a strange fulfillment and joy overpowered all their nerves just after the fact became known that they are one with the creator for a moment. They brought a child to this whole damn world. “There is someone coming out from me to carry the legacy of me and my ancestors. O heavens!” The mother cries, “O heavens!” The father does the same. The mother then decides to put all efforts to make her child see and feel all the goodness of the world. The father on the other hand makes the child safe from all the dirt and worse. That's some responsible job. They hold the tears back when the child learns to speak, learn to walk, learn to do any damn new thing. You might be familiar with things like these, “You know what?! my daughter now recognises people by their voice, what an achievement.” “You know my son doesn't cry when he eats food, he will eat what he likes.” They hold back their tears and smile when their child does a good job. A satisfaction factor triggered inside.

The reason for this much intro was there are a lot of kids produced in the womb, that have no real parents you know. They live in some centers. Why? Because it was just an unhealthy relationship or We are physically good partners and not fit for marriage, or I forgot to take my pills now I am stuck or whatever. I am not blaming a single gender here, I am blaming both equally. I think the only place where men and women are equal is when both the genders allow degenerate and worst ideals become the lifestyle. I would say that a child who has a divorced parent is also an unlucky one. It is harsh but it is how it is. Remember, I only meant divorced parents. That child lacks something big which the naked eyes can't see. The child's cries are that the naked ears can't hear. These kinds of parents don't deserve to be a parent at the first step.

All of this story I wanted to tell now was just this. That hooking up or fucking around to find out is not the way. You gotta be sensible in the selection of your future. Your spouse is your best friend. And best friend is only 1. You cannot be a best friend for a night and walk away. I want this generation to pick up marriage as a serious thing so that the future child of you can feel the pride of having modest and chaste parents.

Consider the divinity of marriages. Consider it as a responsible part of this universe. Don't waste your creative energy for pleasure. Do the responsible job. Be a better human. Consider a family, a healthy one, consider raising your child to grow among your parents and community, Consider to be a responsible Man, to be a responsible Woman. The responsibilities and austerity of a Grihasta is no less than that of a Sanyasi.

Om Sarve Bhavantu Sukhinah

Sarve Santu Niraamayaah

Sarve Bhadraanni Pashyantu

Maa Kashcid-Duhkha-Bhaag-Bhavet

Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih

(Translation)

May all be happy

May all be free from illness

May all see what is auspicious

May no one suffer

Om peace, peace, peace 

Hare Krishna

Manipulators Beware

The world as it uncovers, slowly shows the true face of itself over the time. What is in front of the naked eye is not actually true. The world knows what you want and promises you that it will provide the same. But will provide only what's profitable for itself.

The poem below is a revelation of the same. It has no discrimination between living and non living things.

The poem also touches on the idea that truth and real character are rare, and that we need to be vigilant in seeking out authentic information and relationships. The repetition of "Manipulators beware" becomes a powerful warning, urging the reader to stay alert and cautious.

Manipulators Beware 

When the oats and energy drinks felt heavy

Pain with burning in the throat became severe

The Study of cause and effect goes unnoticed 

Which reads, “Manipulators beware”

The games and shows are meant for comfort

As a result of which you seldom prepare

The business happens behind the curtain,folks

Caution! “Manipulators beware”

Charm and Charisma are all but a facade

Real character's visibility is rare 

The disclaimer part which is ignored often

Particularly pointed out “Manipulators beware”

Good news is that the curtain is pulled back

But the majority are anyway caught unaware

Few visionaries scream their heart out

“Manipulators beware, Manipulators beware” 

Most run their life blindly like it's not their affair

The truth that's needed is minimum and scare

God told me kindly "have hope not despair

For I would alert in time Manipulators beware”.

Hare Krishna

Rational and Reasonable

This topic was quite an interesting thing to go through when I was reading the book 'The Psychology of Money' by Morgan Housel. Well, I won't quote what was actually written in the book, but here I present a brief summary of the same. 

Imagine you buy a stock based on a reputed broker's advice. Even better, you make the investment based on your own research and data analysis. You get to know everything about a particular stock. The company, the business model, the investors, the promoters- all and everything. All of this gives you enough conviction and confidence to go for the stock. The stock meets all the metrics for being an investable company. Everything looks cool, and you just can't wait to have the stock in your portfolio. 

You buy it. Just right then, the stock starts to go down. It tanks day after day. Your investment loses value by approximately 15% within three weeks. The stock is still above the metrics that you used to measure it before investment. But suddenly, you feel you made a mistake by investing in it. You feel you may lose all of it. Why? 

You don't want to see your investment go dark red each passing day. You don't want to be ridiculed by your friends for being bad at choosing a good company to invest in. You don't want to feel the stress of having to see your stock moving down or sideways for a prolonged period. Even though the stock is fundamentally good, you will only think of all the negativities of that stock. You feel you may lose more money. Even though, the stock is fundamentally good, and charts indicate a possible upward movement. 

The confidence and conviction are gone now. What's the rational thing to do when a fundamentally strong stock is going down? Buy more... but no! You won't buy more; instead, you want to get rid of it. All your research and analysis don't convince your mind to hold. Your mind says, "This investment wiped out 15% of my money; all my friends laugh at me for investing and losing money on this stock." Things like these emotional imbalances are enough to convince you to sell the stock. What you had before investing was a rational mind; it didn't have pressure back then; the stock looked so cool to buy. After investing, every other thing bothers you. Research and charts aren't enough. Because your journey with the stock for the past three weeks gave a terrible portfolio outlook. So, to cool your mental state, you think of selling the stock for a 15% loss. Right now, all you want to do is book a loss at 15% rather than see it go down by 20% or 30% or even more. The buying involved a rational decision. But all the trauma for three weeks makes it a reasonable thing to sell it now. Instead of making a profit out of it, you just want to avoid further losses. This is what reasonableness is. Rationally speaking the stock is good to buy even more, but it is Reasonable at the given moment to sell it right now.

The lesson here is simple: decisions regarding investment don't involve just research, charts, and analysis. It goes deep into the psychological level. It is harder to handle our emotional self for the conduct. Our emotions play all sorts of things, and overcoming that is a mammoth task. We are all humans, emotional beings. Emotions overpower most of our decisions. To have a rational conviction no matter what the world says about the stock is something we all desire. 

Investing doesn't just involve study and analysis; it mainly involves handling your mental state of being. How well you conduct yourself in the situation of mental turmoil matters more than your research. You may have the skills, but without a balanced and calm mind, you couldn't make much through investment.

Till we meet next time here, Bye-bye.

Hare Krishna.

Feelings are not important than facts

I was on Twitter enjoying the verbal battle between random users, the topic of which doesn't matter for the context as of now. Heck, I don't even remember why there was an argument. In the process of arguments, someone put forth this statement. “Feelings are important than facts.” As I was nonchalantly reading through the conversation, my mind refused to move away from the above statement. I strongly sensed there was something wrong in this argument.And I proceeded to write it down.

I believe that feelings are those kinds of emotions where your mind refuses to move on. The mind is stuck in some past events, and people decorate it with a name called feeling. Let me give an example: There is a boy and a girl and they are in a relationship. Something fortunate/unfortunate happens and they seperate. Now comes feelings. Both of them think about the good old days, the places they visited, the promises they made, the gifts they gave and took and all. Their minds refuse to move away from the fact that this thing called relationship is over. That's when they are stuck in feelings.

This is just an example by the way. There are some people I know who are stuck on their good old childhood days, some on their parents and/or grandparents, some are stuck on their feelings for a particular place where they grew up etc.

I agree that it's necessary to have feelings. Because you know, it's a human thing and we are all human. But it shouldn't be a prolonged one. Feelings should be like a flowing river, it should just flow. For if it stays, it stinks and becomes a home for bacteria to grow. You cannot and should not allow your mind to be stuck in a particular period of time which is long gone or that which cannot be brought back now.

In the above hypothetical example, if both of them chooses to accept the fact that there is no going back in time and it is what it is, they would harm their mind less. If the mind is hampered, it will impact the body too. Remember, “A healthy body means a healthy mind.”

If we choose to look at what happened in the past as facts instead of calling it as feelings only to be glued to it, it would be a lot of help to our own mind and self. Our mind is like a muscle you know, for if you stretch more, it grows more.

What I want to convey is that we should move on from things of the past as soon as possible. Here's a quote from Naval Ravikanth who is a celebrated entrepreneur and an investor. The quote goes like this “I just don’t believe in anything from my past. Anything. No memories. No regrets. No people. No trips. Nothing. A lot of our unhappiness comes from comparing things from the past to the present.” But I won't expect you to forget all the things of the past. I expect you to accept those things gracefully. Don't find yourself to be in the past, find yourself away from them, but still be aware of them.

We humans are given this physical body and a mind to make our lives. What if our physical body stops to mature at a particular point of time. Remember, even if the body stops growing visibly, it will still mature through the age. The same goes with the mind. But if the mind is always filled with the same old feelings, it will make our mind ill. When it comes to your past feelings, you should accept that you felt that way. But you should be detached from that. You cannot be stuck in the mud somewhere in between on the long path or your long walk called life.

Hare Krishna.

Does Money change a person?

The last time I wrote about money was in this article(Click here). Now again I choose to write this up because, for many years I heard random people say about someone like, “He changed when he got money. That money didn’t just go into his hands, pockets, or bank accounts but it traveled up to the head.” You also could be familiar with these statements. The first question is, so, does money change a person?

Let us begin the arguments clearly, what does money do? It acts as a medium of exchange, for goods and services. You already know the theory of the evolution of money. The chart starts with the barter system and ends with modern-day currency. As a medium of exchange and a storage of value, money carries a certain value. When you have money, you have freedom and power with it. Money is a most liquid form of wealth. You got a piece of paper? It doesn’t carry value. Is that a piece of paper money? There, my friend, you got some value. This value that money carries gives you the freedom to own what you want. When you can own a lot of things that you want then, you gain a lot of power.

So, the argument further goes like, it’s not just money but the power that comes with it. The primary thing that goes into the head of any man is not just money but the arrogance that he has power. He can buy any damn thing with money you know? He can buy businesses, he can buy fame, he can buy praise, can buy lavish lifestyle, he can buy prestigious positions. You get a sense of freedom when you own any of these things in your life. Money> Freedom> Power. This is the sequence that emerges. So, again another question might arise in your mind– Is it money and power combined that change a person?

There is a quote from Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the US, which goes like “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” That’s perfectly true to the core. Observe here, did he say power changes a man’s character? Nope. He said give a man power and you will see his true character.

So, finally in conclusion for the arguments and questions above like, what changes the man? Whether it's money or power or the freedom it provides? The answer is none of them. The factual thing is that money brings in power. But what happens after you get power? Does your character change? No, no. What happens after you or any man gets to power is that his real character emerges. He was hiding it deep underneath himself because he had no money and power. He didn’t have that courage earlier to bring his character to reality. He was just hiding it. 

So, if you feel or see anybody change after they got money and power remember there isn’t any change. That man suppressed his original character for the time being. He revealed his true identity when he got the freedom to be what he truly is. Please don’t blame it on money or power. It was him. The human. If you want to credit something then credit where it is due. It’s not that he changed, the thing is he is hiding himself no more. The true face is what you witness.

Hare Krishna.